Four Key Reasons She Flaked On Your First Date (And How To Prevent It)

It's tough out there in the dating world. One of the most frustrating parts is dealing with flakes. I think we all know who they are.

A flake is someone who cancels plans, changes plans, or doesn't show up without a valid reason. They may be unreliable, disorganized, or simply not interested in following through. It's important to remember that they are usually not necessarily doing it to hurt you personally.

If you've been in the dating game for a while, you've likely encountered a few flakes yourself. But how do you handle them? In this article, I'll share tips on what you should do the next time someone flakes on your date.

Flakes are not a reflection of you

Before we even get into the tips, we must state this: flakes are NOT a reflection of you.

It's easy to take it personally when someone flakes on you, especially if you are excited about the plans. But it's important to remember that flakes are not a reflection of your self-worth or attractiveness. Flakes are often the result of the other person's issues and circumstances, such as anxiety or a busy schedule. Don't let their behavior make you doubt yourself.

You are a beautifully strong person, with things that are unique about yourself that someone will love one day. This woman who flaked on you just wasn't the one, so don't sweat it!

Why did she flake on your date?

In most situations, the woman usually had something legitimate come up. Some of the most common reasons she canceled are:

1. Schedule conflicts: A woman may have unexpected commitments or obligations arise, such as work deadlines, family emergencies, or other personal commitments that prevent her from keeping the date. This speaks to her priorities; right now, you are not that high on her totem pole with everything happening.
2. Lack of interest: Now, the woman may have initially agreed to the date out of politeness or social pressure, but upon further consideration, she may have realized that she's not genuinely interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you. This could've been because of the way you said something or just realizing that she didn't vibe well with you.
3. Nervousness or anxiety: Some women may experience anxiety or nervousness about going on a date, particularly with someone they don't know well. I've had clients lose dates because they could not understand this fact. They expected these women to follow their grand plans without vibing too much. When a woman is nervous, it's important to switch to focusing on making her feel comfortable. She will be more open to meeting you then.
4. Poor communication: If you're new to setting up dates, plenty of women will flake because you did some things that were not optimal. Some of these things include getting sexual too fast, saying things that were uncalibrated, or getting angry out of nowhere. Our goal here is to get you to the point where this is not something that you need to worry about, and once we're done, it'll usually be her fault—not yours.

Set clear expectations from the beginning

The best way to avoid flakes is to set clear expectations. Honesty is the best policy!

When planning, be specific about the date, time, and location. I've had countless men I've worked with show me conversations in which they thought they set up the date, but they only agreed on a date and time.

When the time for the date finally came along, these women ended up flaking because they thought the man wasn't serious about the plans. In this day and age, men are expected to plan out the date in its entirety, and if any details are left out, it shows a sign of disinterest or seriousness about the girl.

This is why I always suggest confirming the details of the date a day or two beforehand and ensuring that both parties are on the same page.

How this would go in a conversation is the following:

Her: Yeah I'm totally down to grab a drink with you, thanks for asking me.
You: Great, which days are you free next to get together?
Her: I'm free on Tuesday, and Wednesday!
You: Okay, Wednesday works for me. Let's say 7pm?
Her: I actually get out of work at 7 so can we say 8pm?
You: Perfect! What area are you in? I'm currently staying in East Village
Her: Oh I'm not too far, I'm in Chelsea.
You: Great, let's meet at Bathtub Gin at 7pm, they have great cocktails.
Her: Sounds good to me!

Notice how in this plan it's crystal clear where she is, where you are, what time you're meeting, and what you'll be doing. This is not a template, things can be combined - do what feels comfortable to you. As long as all the details are clear, then you're good to go.

Have a backup plan

Having a well-crafted backup plan can be a game-changer when navigating flakes. Here are some practical tips for creating one that will come to your rescue in times of need.

First, it's crucial to diversify your options and not rely solely on one person or event. The abundance mindset exists for a reason. Suppose you're arranging to meet up with someone who has a notorious history of flaking. In that case, it's so important to have a list of alternative friends you can reach out to or alternative activities you can engage in solo. It's always wise to have a Plan B and even a Plan C in your options.

In the past, I've dated multiple women and scheduled two dates in the same period because I knew it was likely that they were going to flake. These women had such demanding jobs that they could often be pulled away at a moment's notice! It was very nice to enjoy my evening with someone still while they figured out what was going on. This is called double booking.

Be careful doing this, though, because you can't be in two places simultaneously unless you can clone yourself or have a handsome twin. You'll have to cancel one of your dates, and if you cancel too often on someone, it can show serious disinterest in pursuing them as a partner.

Be flexible, and plan ahead

Flexibility is also a key attribute to possess when dealing with flakes. If your original plan falls through, be open and adaptable to changing things.

For instance, let's say you set up a chill date at home for Netflix & chill for you and your potential new lover. Suddenly, something happens, and her dog gets sick and needs to be taken to the vet! What do you do?

When this happens, you need to be prepared to pivot and enjoy a movie night alone or with someone else or explore other entertainment options. Maybe you can meet up with some friends to go out for a fun night of drinks, catch up on a hobby, or play some video games.

You don't want to get extremely upset when somebody cancels on you the first time around. Getting super emotional and butthurt about a girl canceling and falling out of your masculine mindset is one of the most unattractive things that a guy can do when first meeting a girl.

I'm a firm believer in the benefit of the doubt—if it is the first time, allow them once to try to reschedule, and if they make it difficult to plan, then take away the date.

What if she's consistently flaky?

After reading all of this advice, you may encounter some women who are just natural flakes. They don't hard commit to plans in case something better comes up. Remember, the main idea is that you don't get reactive and use fun memes or takeaways to have power in the interaction.

Don't waste your time and energy on someone who doesn't value your time and effort. Know your boundaries and prioritize your self-care. You deserve someone reliable and respectful of your time. Have an open conversation about your expectations for communicating with her and set your boundaries. When you do this, the chance of her flaking next time goes down a bunch.