First Date Etiquette: How To Cut the BS and Make Real Connections

Let's be real: most first date advice out there is garbage.

"Just be yourself!" Great, because that's worked so well up until now, right?
"Don't talk about controversial topics!" Sure, let's keep things surface-level and boring.
"Wait three days before texting!" What is this, 1995?

Listen, I'm going to give it to you straight. First dates aren't about following some rulebook. They're about two people figuring out if they click. Period.

But here's the thing – there IS a way to approach first dates that dramatically increases your chances of success. And no, it's not about memorizing cheesy pickup lines or pretending to be someone you're not.

It's about understanding the psychology of attraction, mastering the art of genuine conversation, and yes, following some key etiquette principles that actually matter.

In this guide, we're going to cut through the BS and get to what really works. I'm going to show you:

• Why most people sabotage their dates before they even begin (and how to avoid this common pitfall)
• The counterintuitive truth about first impressions (hint: it's not about your shoes)
• How to turn awkward silences into moments of connection
• The right way to follow up after a date (forget that "3-day rule" nonsense)

And much more.

Let's dive in and rewire your approach to first dates.

Preparing For Your First Date

Let's get one thing straight: 80% of your first date's success is determined before you even step out the door. Yeah, you heard that right. While everyone else is obsessing over what to wear or memorizing lame jokes, you're going to focus on what actually moves the needle.

1. Ditch the "Perfect Date" Fantasy

You know that romantic comedy scene where everything goes hilariously wrong, but the couple still falls in love? Yeah, that's not real life.

Stop trying to plan the "perfect" date. Instead, aim for simple and engaging. Coffee shops, a walk in the park, or a fun night of drinks. Why? Because it takes the pressure off and lets you focus on what matters: the person in front of you.

2. Do Your Homework

In 2024, there's no excuse for not doing a quick Google search on your date. But here's where most people screw up: they either do zero research (lazy) or go full stalker mode (creepy). Find the sweet spot. Know enough to ask interesting questions, but not so much that you come off like you've been reading their diary since 2015.

3. The 5-Minute Mental Prep That Changes Everything

Here's something 99% of people never do: Take 5 minutes before the date to get in the right headspace. I'm not talking about positive affirmations or any of that woo-woo stuff. I mean:

• Remind yourself of 3 interesting things you've done recently. Conversation fuel.
• Think of 2 questions you genuinely want to ask your date. Curiosity is attractive.
• Set 1 clear intention for the date.
  • Example: "I want to leave knowing if we share similar values."

This simple exercise will put you miles ahead of your competition (yes, dating is competitive, deal with it).

4. The Outfit Trap (And How to Avoid It)

"Dress to impress" is outdated advice. Instead, dress to feel confident and comfortable.

You're not present in the conversation if you're constantly adjusting your clothes or worried about a wardrobe malfunction. Pick an outfit that makes you feel like the best version of yourself, not what you think your date wants to see.

5. The Only Pre-Date Communication You Need

For the love of god, stop with the endless pre-date texting. It kills the mystery and gives you less to talk about in person. Confirm the date, time, and location 24 hours in advance. Maybe throw in a "Looking forward to it!" That's it. Save the good stuff for the actual date. 

If she says she's a big texter, just tell her you're busy with work but you're looking forward to talking to her. 

Done.

6. Arrive with Purpose

Being on time isn't impressive; it's the bare minimum. Arrive 5-10 minutes early, use that time to take a few deep breaths, find a good spot to sit, and remind yourself: You're not there to impress anyone. You're there to figure out if this person is right for you. This mental shift is game-changing.

Remember, the goal of all this prep isn't to create some perfect, polished version of yourself. It's to set the stage for genuine connection. By focusing on these high-impact areas, you're already ahead of 95% of guys.

Next, we'll discuss what to do on the date. Spoiler alert: It's not what you think.

The Do's of First Date Etiquette: What Actually Works

Alright, you've made it to the date. Now what? Forget everything you've seen in movies or read in those cheesy dating guides. Here's what actually works.

1. Learn How To Be Genuinely Curious

Most people think they need to impress their date with cool things they did or witty banter.

Wrong.

The most attractive quality is actually genuine curiosity. Ask questions that you actually want to know the answers to.

For example:

• Instead of "What do you do?" try "What's the most interesting part of your job?"
• Instead of "Do you like traveling?" ask, "If you could live anywhere for a year, where would it be and why?"

Remember, the goal isn't to interrogate. It's to start conversations you both find interesting.

2. The 70/30 Rule

Here's a rule that will instantly make you a better conversationalist: Aim to listen for 70% of the time and talk for 30%.

Most people get this backward. They ramble on about themselves, thinking they're being interesting.

News flash: You're not that fascinating.

When you do speak, make it count. Share insights, not just facts. Tease her and make her laugh.

Instead of listing what you did last weekend, share how it made you feel or what you learned.

3. Break the Touch Barrier (Without Being Creepy)

Physical touch can create a connection, but it's a disaster if you do it wrong.

Here's the key:

Start with safe, socially acceptable touches. A light touch on the arm when laughing or a brief hand on the shoulder when going to the bathroom. It's not about being flirty; it's about breaking that invisible barrier between two strangers.

4. Embrace Awkward Moments

Here's something most "dating gurus" won't tell you: Awkward moments are gold mines.

When there's a lull in conversation or something awkward happens, most people panic. Don't.

Instead, call it out. "Well, we've hit that classic first date awkward silence. Should we stare deeply into each other's eyes now?"

Boom. Tension broken, and you've shown you're confident enough to laugh at yourself.

5. Be Honest 

I'm not saying to spill your deepest darkest secrets. But if you hate sushi and your date suggests a sushi place for dinner, say so. If you're nervous and she seems sweet, admit it.

This level of honesty is refreshing and builds trust. Plus, it filters out people who aren't a good match for the real you.

6. Paying for the Check

When the check comes, reach for it. If your date offers to split, agree graciously. If they insist on paying, let them, but say something like, "Thank you, that's very kind. I'd love to get the next one."

This shows you're generous but not presumptuous and opens the door for a second date.

7. End Strong, Regardless of Outcome

Whether you felt a connection or not, end the date on a positive note. Be clear about your intentions. If you want to see them again, say so. "I had a great time and would love to do this again. Are you free next week?"

If not, be kind but honest. "I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we're a match romantically. I wish you all the best."

Remember, the point of these "do's" isn't to follow them like a robot. It's to give you a framework for creating a genuine connection. Use them as a guide, but always trust your gut.

Next up, we'll tackle the big don'ts – the mistakes that can tank your date than you think.

The Don'ts of First Date Etiquette

1. Play the comparison game

Do not compare them to your ex, your mom, or God forbid, other people you're dating. It doesn't matter if the comparison is favorable. The moment you do this, you've stopped seeing the person in front of you as an individual. Plus, it's just tacky.

2. Reciting your resume

Your date is not a job interview. Read that again.

If you find yourself listing your accomplishments like you're gunning for a promotion, stop. Now.

Nobody cares that you were an employee of the month at your summer job in 2015. Instead, share stories about who you are, your passions, and your weirdness. That's what people connect with.

3. Avoid the Heavy Stuff

Look, I'm all for deep, meaningful conversations. But launching into your five-year plan or your views on marriage and kids on a first date is like trying to run before you can crawl.

It puts unnecessary pressure on the situation. Keep things light and fun. There's plenty of time for the heavy stuff later – if you don't scare them off first.

4. Avoid the Alcohol Crutch

A glass of wine to take the edge off is fine.

Getting sloppy drunk because you're nervous? Not fine.

Not only is it a huge turn-off, but it also prevents you from actually getting to know the person. If you can't get through a date without liquid courage, you might want to examine why that is.

After the Date: Following Up

Forget everything you've heard about post-date etiquette. Most of it is garbage that'll leave you second-guessing yourself.

I usually recommend asking a girl on a second date while you're with her on the first, but I get it if you're nervous and you don't want to be that bold.

In that case, here's an exact playbook for what to do after a date.

Follow these steps in this order, and you'll never stress about what to do after a date again.

Step 1: The Same-Night Text (Time: Within 2 hours of the date ending)

As soon as you get home, send this text:  "

I had a great time tonight. [Reference something specific from the date]. Get home safe!"  

Why this works:  

• It's prompt, showing you're interested without being needy
• The specific reference proves you were paying attention
• "Get home safe" is caring without being overbearing.

Step 2: The Next-Day Follow-Up (Time: 24 hours after the date) 

Send this text the next day:  

"Hey [Name], I'm still thinking about [specific joke or moment from the date]. I'd love to [suggest specific second date idea based on your conversation]."

Give her the chance to agree to another date before you go straight for suggesting a day to meet. 

Step 3: The Response Window (Time: 48 hours)  

Now, wait up to 48 hours for a response.

If they're interested, they'll reply. If not, you have your answer.

If they agree to the second date, great! Lock in the details. But if they're vague or noncommittal, move on.

Don't waste time on maybes.

Wrapping It Up

Alright, let's cut the crap and get real for a second.

If you've made it this far, you're already miles ahead of 99% of the dating pool out there. Why?

Because you're actually putting in the work to get better at this stuff. While everyone else is swiping mindlessly and hoping for the best, you're arming yourself with a real strategy.

Let's recap what you've learned:

1. Most of your date's success is determined before you even leave the house. Preparation isn't just about picking an outfit; it's about getting in the right headspace.
2. On the date, your job isn't to impress. It's to connect. Genuine curiosity and the ability to hold a real conversation will take you further than any pickup line ever could.
3. There are landmines you need to avoid - from playing the comparison game to being a phone zombie. Dodge these, and you're already ahead of the curve.
4. After the date, you've got a clear, 3-step plan that takes all the guesswork out of follow-ups. No more agonizing over when to text or what to say.

But here's the thing—all this knowledge is useless if you don't implement it. Reading this guide doesn't make you better at dating; applying it does.

So here's what I want you to do right now:

1. Choose ONE tip from this guide that resonated most with you.
2. Commit to implementing it on your very next date.
3. After the date, write down what worked and what didn't.

Treat every date as a learning experience. You're not just trying to find a partner; you're leveling up your interpersonal skills, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence. These are skills that will serve you well beyond just dating.

Remember, the goal isn't to become some smooth-talking player. And if it is...you're probably in the wrong place.

I aim to help you become the most authentic, confident version of yourself. Someone who knows their worth, communicates clearly, and isn't afraid to go after what they want.

Now, get out there and put this stuff into practice. Your future self - and your future partner - will thank you for it.

And hey, if you end up in a great relationship because of this advice? I expect an invitation to the wedding.

I'm only half-joking. You've got this.