Do Women Want to Be Approached? Here's the Truth

Have you ever felt your heart racing and your palms getting sweaty just thinking about chatting with a girl you just saw?

Yeah, I've been there too.

That nervous feeling you get before saying "hi" to a girl isn't just you being weird – it's super common, and there's even a name for it: approach anxiety.

Whether at a party, coffee shop, or just passing someone on the street, that voice in your head,

"What if I say something dumb?"

can be pretty loud.

This can lead you to think of things like:

Do women even want to be approached?

But here's the thing: everyone's dealing with their own version of this, no matter who they are. 

Women have proven time and again that if you approach them mindfully, friendly, and respectfully, they actually want men to approach them more.

In this post, we'll explore why our brains freak out over something as simple as small talk, whether women want to be approached, and how you can start approaching women yourself.

Understanding Women's Fears and Anxieties

Before we can properly answer the question, we need to understand why women often don't approach men themselves.

When it comes to being approached, women have their own set of fears and anxieties. Let's dive into some of the main concerns women have.

The Fear of Rejection

Just like men, women fear getting turned down. However, since they are less used to making the first move, the fear of rejection can feel even heavier. 

Imagine a cute girl having a guy come up to her. He is really charming, handsome, and funny and says all the right things.

A woman might start to doubt that the guy is actually interested in her or that he is that charismatic with everyone. That's why women often prefer to drop hints rather than face possible embarrassment.

Dealing with Unwanted Attention

One of the biggest worries for women is dealing with unwanted attention. This can range from harmless flirting to more aggressive behaviors. The one thing women are most afraid of in men is not always what you might think. It's not just about aggression; it's about feeling unsafe or uncomfortable.

Societal Expectations and Gender Roles

Society has long dictated certain roles for men and women. Women are often taught that making the first move can make them seem too forward or desperate. This societal pressure can make the idea of approaching someone very daunting. Women have to navigate these complex social norms while also dealing with their own personal fears and anxieties.

The Role of Confidence in Approaching Women

Confidence plays a huge role in approaching women. It’s not just about looking good; it’s about feeling good about yourself.

When you feel confident, it shows in your body language and how you carry yourself. This can make a big difference in how women perceive you.

Building Your Confidence

The only proper way to build confidence in approaching women is through consistent experience. When you have a good experience approaching a woman, it'll create a positive feedback loop, making approaching women more exciting. And a good experience doesn't need to be anything crazy, it can be:

• Getting a solid phone number or Instagram
• Going on an instant date for coffee or a walk
• Realizing a deep connection with a new person you just met
• Planning a date for the future

These are all possible as long as you take the proper steps.

Respecting Boundaries

While confidence is important, it’s equally crucial to respect boundaries. Pay attention to her body language and verbal cues.

If she seems uncomfortable or uninterested, it’s best to back off. Respecting her space shows that you are considerate and respectful.

Handling Rejection Gracefully

Rejection is a part of life, and it’s important to handle it gracefully. If she’s not interested, don’t take it personally. Thank her for her time, and move on.

Handling rejection with grace when you go out will make it easier to approach women in the future, as you won't get rattled by one soft rejection.

How to Approach Women Properly

People think that going up and approaching women is easy. And it can be, as long as you have the right step-by-step framework in mind.

A mentor I worked with briefly gave me a simple framework for starting conversations. Once I understood the concepts, I could start having amazing interactions with women wherever I went.

It's just 4 steps. Here's how it works, and if you like it definitely check him out.

Step 1: Get Her Attention

Every opening line needs to get her attention. A common mistake that guys make is starting to talk right away, and halfway through, the girl is surprised, like, "What?" because she wasn't aware you were talking to her.

A good opener consists of three things:

1. A pre-opener - "Hi there" or "Excuse me"
2. Statement of empathy - "I know this is random" or "I know this is a little strange."
3. Your reason for talking to her - "I was just doing X, saw you doing Y, and had to say Z"

This works so well because it makes it clear why you're talking to her and grabs her attention.

The statement of empathy is important now, especially because it's considered weird to talk to a stranger during the day unless we're after something.

It gives us a great opportunity to demonstrate our social awareness and alleviate any awkwardness that might result.

Step 2: Root the conversation

When you start conversations with girls, they are often initially confused about why you're talking to them. This will lead them to say things like

"Is this a YouTube video?"

"Are you trying to sell me something?"

"Is this a dare?"

If you get a response like this, you didn't root the conversation.

Rooting is simply making it clear why you're continuing to talk to them

An example of what this could look like:

You: "Hey there. I know this is pretty random, but I was going to grab a coffee, and I saw you pass by, and I had to say you've got a very Spanish look to you"

Girl: "Oh, I get that all the time! I'm actually Filipino"

<ROOT> You: "Oh no way, one of my best friends is Filipino, too. I have to go soon, but now I'm curious: Where are you originally from? I'm hearing a bit of an accent"

The root makes it clear that you liked her look and are now talking to her because you're curious about her background.

Step 3: Set a false time constraint

This one is pretty straightforward. It works really well because it makes the girl feel comfortable, and she doesn't feel pressure to stay in a conversation for a long time.

This builds on your charisma as you come off as a cool guy who can handle conversations.

The false time constraint above was: "I have to go soon"

Step 4: Spike her emotions

Once a girl is hooked and interested in talking to you, your last goal is to get an emotional reaction. This is what's going to make you stand out in her mind later when you send her a text to confirm a date.

My mentor never considered an interaction as good without an emotional reaction.

That's because he believes that people only emotionally react to people that have value. And I agree.

Have you ever seen when someone with low social status cracks a joke, people don't really laugh? (even if it was funny)

And then someone else makes some lame joke, and everyone is dying laughing? That's because that person has more inherent value, so we tend to react more to his behaviors.

This is the most powerful sentence my mentor shared with me:

If we can give a girl an emotional reaction, she will backwards rationalize that we must have value because she ONLY emotionally reacts to people with value.

If you really want to dive deep into how you can get better at approaching in person, check out some of my other articles.  

Conclusion

So, do women want to be approached?

The answer isn't black and white.

Many women appreciate it when someone takes the initiative, but they also fear rejection and awkwardness when it happens.

It's all about reading the room and picking up on those subtle signals. If you see a smile or catch her glancing your way, it might be a green light. 

And if you take that green light, you have the step-by-step framework to try to make something happen.

Remember, confidence and respect go a long way. Approach with kindness and be ready to back off if she's uninterested. In the end, it's about making a genuine connection, and that takes a bit of courage from both sides.